> be me  
> wake up before the sun  
> 420 notifs, all marked URGENT  
> servers on fire  
> Notion, Ethereum, and Solana all down
> product, engineering, and GTM all pulling in different directions
> frontend blocked by wallet integration  
> backend needs specs for LATAM payment rails—nobody knows what that means  
> design team asks for priorities
> SEC just banned gas
> feelsgud.png
> sip my coffee  
> unbothered, untouchable, an oasis of serenity
> my mere presence aligns teams
> I don’t write tasks — my keystrokes bend reality  
> I read customer needs through telepathy
> I don’t just define strategy—I manifest it
> project scope? Understood in a single glance
> I speak in roadmaps, translate chaos into traction  
> founders whisper my name when seeking wisdom
> I am product

This is you

This helps

This is us:

Testimonials from team members: “The peanut puns are tiring”, “At cocktail parties I pretend I work at a B2B SaaS because it’s more believable”.

Process

  1. Apply below and wait until we get back
  2. Intro call (~15 mins)
  3. Interview (1-1.5h)
  4. Reference checks
  5. Contract work (2-14 days) - let’s ship!
  6. Long-term contract
  7. lfg 🚀

Know a friend (we have bounties $$$) or this job description is not for you, see other Jobs

What you'll actually do: